The Space of In-Between

I found it fitting this morning as I went through the memories within my Facebook, as I do most mornings. It's a quiet reflection I like to take each morning after my quiet time with God. I've been stepping off social media a bit more this week to gain clarity, gain some organization within my thoughts and attempting to declutter my brain a bit more. 

While I browsed my memories this morning, this post I curated a year ago today popped up. I was 38.1 weeks pregnant with our little Baby Sunflower. Which, now that I think about it, I never shared his birth story here yet... 

Anyways. I was 38.1 weeks along this day last year (2022) and praying to make it to 40.1 weeks to have a 2-2-22 baby... pretty cool date, huh?! In all my pregnancies, I never had that opportunity for a "cool birthdate" baby. I was dealing with a lot of insomnia. Praying a lot in the depths of the night while the older four children slept peacefully. Spending quiet time with the tiny human within my womb as he/she kicked and squirmed and rolled about. 

My body, mind and soul craved the night... in fact, it's still the time when I get the most done. It's still the time when my creative flow switches on. It's still my favorite time of the day. Peace washes over me in the still, dark night. I can finally think and hear as all the other noise around me has drifted off. 

Looking back, I can see it all so very clearly. Funny, huh?! I posted this one year ago and exactly one week later, he made his journey Earthside. 

There’s much to be said about the beginning stages of the hormone shift that happens at the end of pregnancy.

The insomnia. The insane euphoria. The overwhelming emotional releases. The rollercoaster of mood swings. Feeling like you’re dropping the ball in every single aspect of your life. The increasing twinges as you feel your body in the beginning stages of birth prep.

Babe is still cozy and nestled in. I anticipate a February babe and I’m 100% A-OK with this babe taking her/his sweet time. Time is a thief and fleeting.

But this in-between stage requires a level of surrender. It’s a spiritual journey at its finest. This in-between stage requires patience and grace. It’s a necessary stage. It’s a physiological space. It requires honor.

There’s a level of silent and unseen transformation happening. Even unseen by my own conscious mind. But God designed this process and I will surrender to it. Even if that means middle of the night baths with prayer and worship. Even if that means sobbing into my husband’s shoulder and losing all control of my composure.

The time of in-between. In-between two worlds. It’s not just the birth of a baby we’re anticipating, it’s a birth of a whole new life, a whole new family, a whole new dynamic.

The time of in-between.