Reflection

It's been quite some time since I last posted. Lots of stuff going on and lots of stuff on my mind. I tend to shut down when my mind is filled, mostly because I'm not a writer, nor have I ever pretended to be. My mind is a jungle, something not easily tamed. So when it's full, it's best to just steer clear and find a new route around. 

But tonight is different. I don't know why. It just is. 

We've had a lot going on in the last couple months. My business has taken off, to a whole nother level. I'm so incredibly grateful and humbled. I am so passionate about what I do, not only has it changed our lives but it is changing the lives of so many others. Mentally, physically, health-wise and financially. We've taken a couple vacations. One to Chicago to visit a mommy group friend and another to Tennessee to visit another friend from the same mommy group as well as spend a week with family that I haven't seen in well over 10 years. It's a long story... But the past is the past, no sense in dwelling, time to move forward and spend the time we have now. 

The kids, man, they're awesome. Getting funnier, cuter, cooler and more awesome every second of every day. I'm so incredibly lucky to have them. You have no idea. I'm so blessed. Every morning I wake up like it's a dream. Like this cannot possibly be my life. But it is and it's amazing. 

Baby July. Oh, how I miss you. Even though I only spent 6 weeks and 5 days carrying you in my womb. You were our baby. The sparkle in our eyes. Baby July's second birthday is coming up, so naturally he is on my mind a lot. Dreams of him are filling my nights. Tears are filling my eyes with reminders of these days 2 years ago. June 13, 2012 we found out he was on the way. June 17, 2012 we announced to friends and family and made it "Facebook official"... It's very bittersweet. Bitter because it was a very happy and exciting time that was quickly stripped away before we had time to catch our breaths. Sweet because what Baby July taught us is irreplaceable and what was possible is so sweet. My Miss Bailey wouldn't be here. Our Rainbow Baby. Bittersweet. 

Tonight I had a wrap party for a distributor of mine who is rocking her biz. I will be 100% honest here, I wasn't excited about the drive. I've had a few unpleasant drives with Bailey alone and so I was a bit gun shy. But the drive was beautiful. Miss Bailey slept both ways, providing me with a very quiet, reflecting friendly drive. I filled the car with some of our favorite music and reminisced, sang, talked to God, cried, smiled and took in the beauty of Gods creations. Both near and far. 

Life is strange sometimes. We're presented with so many opportunities every day. It always unfolds just how it's supposed to. As much as I love and thrive on planning, I get laughed at every time when I'm reminded I'm merely along for the ride that has already been all planned out for me. My focus has shifted so much in the last few months and I whole-heartedly believe it was all premeditated before I ever knew it. 

So cliche, but so true. Everything does happen for a reason. Come what may. Let go and let God. I'm jumping head first into my faith. Sometimes I come up short. Sometimes I fall. Sometimes I lose focus. But at the end of the day, I'm forgiven and I'm gently set back on the right path. 

Life is so beautiful and so amazing. Enjoy it. Live it up. Don't live in fear. I know that's easier said than done... If God is calling you to do something, listen. Act. Pray. God is calling us to do so much. He has brought us to many opportunities. Now it's just letting them all fall into place. Watching as the roller coaster unfolds. 

Foster Care. More babies. Health. Success. Business. Laughter. Friends. 

Prayer. 

I told you this would be a jungle. My mind is untamable. But, perhaps, I'm slightly more organized. Clearer, maybe. 

I have dreams. We have dreams. Big dreams. Each day were accomplishing another dream. Each day our vision is better. Our purpose more defined. As our lives unfold, we're humbled. 

We're truly blessed. I wish we wouldn't lose sight of that, even for a moment. The chaotic moments. The pull-your-hair-out moments. The days your head wants to explode from yelling so much. Hearing your son say 'don't yell at me mommy' with a grin on his face. The quick memory of you standing on your deceased aunts porch when you find a book titled, 'raise your kids, not your voice.' Those little things stay with you. Embrace them. They're tiny reminders of how blessed you are. 

One day you'll wish for those chaotic and pull-your-hair-out moments to return. You'll wish time hadn't gone by so fast. You'll wish you had spent more moments laughing, more moments playing and more moments being silly. 

I'm already wishing time would slow down. I feel like I've blinked and years have gone by. I look at Ben, I look at Bentley and Bailey and think 'how did we get here so fast?' Where did the time go? 

My jungle mind is slowly clearing out. Sun shine can finally break through the insanely thick canopy. 

I'm feeling content. I think this is the most content I have ever felt in my entire life. I have everything I need, everything I have ever wanted and desired. How could I not be happy, humble and grateful?

I have been blessed beyond measure. I'm really not sure how I've deserved it. But I'm so grateful. 

The days may be long, but the years are so, so short. 

Sleep tight. 

Until next time, friends