Getting Fit while Breastfeeding: Moving Forward

I attempted my first 5K today. I wish I could say that I finished it, but that's sadly not the case. Ben and I got up around 6am to get ready. Then we woke up the kids and got them dressed. All was going well! Typically we're running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get anywhere on time. But I'm finally getting organized enough to get back to being early everywhere we go.

Anyways... so we're off. Things are good! Kids are in great moods despite being woken up at 7am on a Sunday morning. We arrive to the park where the 5K is being held and we are directed to a factory three-tenths of a mile up the road from where the registration table is. This should have been my first clue. Then, breaking all car seat laws/regulations/recommendations and my first strike at Mom of the Year, we were all shuttled in vans to the park so we didn't have to walk in the blustery cold. So yes, my kids were shuttled in a van, without car seats. Shame on me. Oh well. I already felt less than superb at that point.

So we get there and damn is it cold. I started second guessing myself. It was so cold. We bundled everyone up and everyone was in good spirits. But it was fucking cold. We finally get through the cluster-fuck that was the registration table and get our numbers...

The announcement for the 2-minute gate call came across. So we left Bentley and my sister in the tent. Bentley started crying and saying he was cold. This was clue #2 that things weren't going to go well. Bailey seemed to be in good spirits so we proceeded to the starting line.

Once we started walking, Bailey started screaming. I'm not sure if she just decided to be done with the Ergo at that time or what... but nothing helped. I jogged. I walked. I patted her back. I patted her butt. I shh'd her. I talked lovingly to her. It all just pissed her off even more. I even tried to nurse her and she wanted nothing to do with it.

I quickly realized that she wasn't having it and then realized even more that I was dead last. Dead last of every single person. I had made it about a mile and saw my ticket out. The focus was shifted to my kids. Getting them warm and happy again. Even though Bailey wasn't cold to the touch, she wasn't happy and I wasn't going to make either of us suffer another 2 miles with her screaming in protest the entire time.

So, I asked the officer to give me a ride back. The shameful and embarrassing ride back. Once again. No car seat. Ugh. Strike I-fucking-lost-count towards Mom of the Year. 

Once I was back to the tent, I grabbed Bentley and found us a ride back to our car. Ben finished his race with a time of 32:49 which is AWESOME! I'm so incredibly inspired by my husband's strength and commitment to his 5K's! 

In reflection, I think what hurt the worst was the judgmental and negatively-charged stares were the worst. I know it was cold. Yes, I had 2 small children out in it. Bundled up, mind you. But the stares were unnecessary! I wasn't expecting it to be that cold and I was trying. The stares were the worst part in making me feel like an utter failure. Like everyone was thinking "that's what she deserves for getting those babies out in this cold." I honestly think those made me feel more awful than not actually finishing.

So... the day did not turn out at all how I expected. But... as I was loading things into the trunk of our car, fighting back the tears from my broken pride, I realized a few things. For one, I got out there. I rolled out of bed at 6am on a Sunday morning, got dressed, pumped, got 2 kids ready and we got there. I tried. I attempted it. For two, maybe by the Grace of God me having to quit because of 2 unhappy kids happened to prevent something else from happening. I'll never know. But maybe it happened to prevent an injury. Or maybe it prevented Bailey and Bentley from getting sick again. I don't know why it happened, but maybe the Silver Lining is that it happened because it needed to.

I tried. I didn't conquer. But I tried. There will be another race. There will be another attempt. Maybe it'll take a few tries before I finish one, but I will keep trying. I will pick myself up, dust myself off and try again.

To help with my pick-up, I bought new workout clothes! I'm super stoked for Zumba on Thursday now!

If you want to see my awesome new workout outfit in support of my awesome business of IT WORKS!... well, you're just going to have to wait!

For those following, or who want to catch up!
Zumba & Before's
First 5K

Until next time, friends