Everything Has a Purpose

As I lay here thinking and reminiscing on my past, I chuckle and smile since I am once again reminded that everything we do has a purpose, has a reason. 'Everything happens for a reason' may sound clique but it is so true. Just think back to your past. What if you had chose a different path? Made a different decision? Would you be where you are today? I often wonder who and where I would be today had I never moved out of my mom's house at 14 years old. A freshman in high school... Would I have ever met my husband? Would I have continued down the path of drugs? Allowing my use of marijuana to get worse? Many don't know... but I was headed down an awful path. I felt neglected by my parents, I had very few 'true' friends, I was depressed. But one decision to move away from all that changed my life. I often wonder if I would even be here if it weren't for that one decision to jump ship at the tender age of 14.

Ok... so jump forward. What would have happened had I gone to Eaton Rapids schools instead of Springport? Would I have ever met Ben at that party that night? Would I have ever met the mutual friend that called me up that night in the first place?

Probably not. One small change in a decision and all my reality today could have been impossible.

Which leads me too something I still struggle with almost 18 months later. The loss of my sweet Baby July. We were so excited to learn of a new pregnancy. Another baby. A new life. A new beginning; chapter. I had been ready for another baby for awhile, but Ben wasn't. So when we settled on trying to conceive April 2012, I was ecstatic. We conceived quickly again, but my normal worry never set it. I was at an odd peace with the thought of a miscarriage, 'if it happens, it happens' is something I told a friend of mine. It's like my body knew the baby wouldn't make it, so I wasn't allowed to start my normal worry and anxiety. I was devastated when I woke up that morning. It started out normally, except for we slept in the horse trailer due to the hot temperatures and no air conditioning. I went to the bathroom after making Big Brother breakfast and there it was; blood. That day still haunts me and I still can't talk about it without crying. We wanted that baby so badly.

But now, here we are... as I sit here cuddling my sweet little baby girl in my arms, I often wonder where would we be today had Baby July made it. Would I have a completely different baby? Would I have never gotten my sweet little girl? As much as we were devastated, I now realize that in order for Miss Bailey to be possible, Baby July had to pass. I will always, always wonder who Baby July would have been. Is Baby July a boy like in all my dreams? I won't know until I meet our sweet baby in Heaven one day.

So as much as we try to control our lives in every aspect, somethings are completely out of our hands. I'm left to wonder, now, where is life going? With the possibility of selling our house, where will we be in a year? If we don't sell, where will we be? So... the moral of this post is that I have finally started to learn that I need to leave things in the hands of God. He has a plan for us that is bigger than we can imagine. I believe whole-heatedly that he put the idea of selling our house into Ben's head for a reason and I'm going to sit back and see where all this unfolds.

Until next time, friends